Thursday, October 15, 2015

Picking myself back up...

I had a  terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Sometimes you just wake up not feeling great and other times you wake up feeling great and bad things happen and it is a no good day.
Saturday was the latter and it was a my no good day.  No need to go into details on my online private journal but I hated that day.
I walked outside, late at night, down my cul de sac and around my familiar neighborhood.  It was a perfectly clear sky with no moon to guide my steps. I walked barefoot to ground me as I tried to gather my scattered, scared thoughts. A gentle autumn breeze swirled the few fallen October leaves that were sprinkled along the gutter. The night was calm but the heaviness I felt surrounded me like the blowing leaves.  I looked up at the sky and I felt so very small... so insignificant.  Have you ever felt like that? Looking at the heavens,  knowing how big each of those stars are and realizing that I am smaller than the smallest grain of sand. How does anyone or how could anyone care about my hardships?  Especially when mine are so insignificant compared to what others in this difficult world are going through.  I have to have faith that someone does or what is the purpose of it all? 
I do have that faith... and staring up at the expansive sky I felt such peace knowing that tomorrow I got another chance. 
I understood that a loving Heavenly Father, no matter how sad I was at the moment, was giving me a new beginning. In the morning light everything would feel better. My darkest night would fade into the sun's warm rays.  It was a chance to pick myself up again and try again.  
A rebirth of sorts.
I slowly walked back to the safety of my warm home and crawled into bed. I felt gratefulness deep in my heart that this to would pass, curled into a tight little ball, and fell asleep, knowing that morning would inevitably come. 

The first thing I did was go on a morning bike ride with my Honey.
It felt so good and the cobwebs from the night before didn't seem so thick.
My problem didn't go away but things didn't feel as lost in the light of day.
How could they?
The wind was blowing on my face, the sun was so bright and there was that peace that everything would be alright in the end.
What's the saying I have heard? I think it is from President Hinkley?
Something like...
"Everything will be all right in the end.  If things are not alright, then it is not the end.

I will chew on that for awhile.
It makes me feel better.
No it's not the end so I will keep plugging along doing the best I can until it is.
That is the best I can do...

 I am grateful for new days and second chances...

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