2020...Another decade and here we go again!

I'm not really sure when I started blogging but I  know it's been years.  

Most people that started blogging when I did are getting paid money and are making careers out of it.  I was laughing with my daughter because I was on instagram super early too but never knew what to do with it and so again missed some real opportunities there.  Now blogging has taken a step back to instagram and I'm not really sure if anyone reads them anymore.  Since this isn't a business and simply my online journal none of that matters to me.  However, I have such a hard time being consistent because it really doesn't matter what I say or how often I say it.  But as I have said before and I will say it again I enjoy it.  Writing gives me an outlet that I love and I know I need to prioritize it more.  I know this....so why is it so hard?  It seems like I should be at a point in my life where I can sit down and write here. After all I am fifty freaking years old now and I don't work outside the home!! More on that later.

  I guess that begs the question of what in the world am I doing with my time?

ummmm....Let's see if I can even answer that question...

Wake up at 7:00 with Charlie.  I have no idea what time Ella gets up or goes to school...none.  She yells good bye to me and I am snug in my little bed curled on my side cocooned in my blankets.    She bikes to school because she refuses to get her licence. (No idea what is going on there so don't ask.) I get charlie out the door at 7:45.  I do nothing but offer moral support before he leaves because he makes his own breakfast and he won't take a lunch to school.  (Again don't ask...ok fine basically he is the pickiest eater on the whole planet and if I made him a lunch it could get thrown away or it would come back to me all smashed in a tiny ball at the bottom of his backpack.  Either way he's never going to eat it and I don't feel like cleaning up 75 smashed peanut butter sandwiches at the end of the semester.  So he eats lunch when he gets home from school.  I know that is too long without food blah, blah, blah but I'm never going to win this one and so I have been done with making lunches since 2016. This is when the older kids told me my lunches were the worst and they were never going to eat them again.  Alrighty then... tell me how you really feel. ;) So I stopped.  Just like that after what seemed like 100 years of making lunches they just ended....poof...done.  I seriously don't even feel bad about it. 

I carpool 1 day a week this year...listen people...  pros and cons to a carpool.  Pros I don't have to drive every day.  Cons I have to care and be on time and not forget the children.  This is such a big con sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.

Ok so the "me time" clock starts...tick tick game on. So I make a hot drink and read my book.  How lucky am I that I get to start my day off reading a book.  Everyday I am grateful.  Every. Single day. Then I exercise...either by going on a run or doing a video.  Again, just so grateful and pretty non negotiable.  I am 50 and my body works amazing and I want to do everything in my power to keep it that way. Next shower and get ready for the day.  Now it is seriously like 10:30-11:00.  Say what? I know and I start panicking a little.  Laundry, cleaning, straightening and all the mom stuff happens in this window before Ella gets home.     

Ella is a senior. Did I mention that?

Yup she is and it breaks my heart. That little adorable thing is my best friend and I am soooo worried about myself when she leaves.  I know you're kids aren't supposed to be your best friend because they don't need another friend they need a mother.  I don't care... it is what it is and we are seriously 

thick as thieves. So anyway,  

she goes to school for half days and so she gets home at about 12:30. I like being home when the kids get home from school.  My mom did that and I love doing it for my kids. So now she's home and "me time" is over.  I end up talking to her and we play games(favorites are boggle, uno, sushi go and exploding kittens) or she does her homework or she had tennis but it seems like when she gets home I'm kind of not focused. It's more about her. 

Charlie gets home at 2:45 and then things get really real.  Homework, more tennis and dinner that I pretend to make.   

Don't get me wrong I used to make a real dinner but ever since Benjamin left on his mission it's only Tom, Ella and me that eats.  Remember how Charlie is picky? Well he has been eating cheese quesadillas for 12 years.  Who says you need a variety in your diet to grow? I'm kidding here...I tried...I really did...but I lost along time ago. (I do make him a spinach smoothie everyday and that helps right?)  But as I was saying who cooks for three people?  I guess is what I am saying here is I don't cook for three people.  So I pretend to cook things that can be done in 5 minutes.  Sometimes I even kill two birds with one stone and cook cheese Quesadillas. That works for about 4 nights a week.  We all love them so that's good.  Sometimes I put an egg and call them quevos rancheres.  That is fully cooking in my new book of low cooking standards.  As a side note I nearly killed myself over the holidays cooking and baking for my people.  I was either cooking, baking or cleaning up for what seemed like 26 hours a day.  I looked at Tom after 2 weeks of practically killing myself in the kitchen and the words out of my mouth were, "I'm done...I have filled my real cooking quota for at least a year.  Which really is about right because that puts us on schedule for me cooking just in time for next Christmas. That's so exciting because I actually enjoy making the holidays so special for my kids...although I'm pretty sure I don't need to work myself to the bone in order to achieve that. (I haven't figured out how to balance that yet. I will...) 

So as I was saying after our pretend dinner we talk, play games, watch tv, showers and Charlie goes to bed.  This is another unused window in my day.  I am in my jammies by 7:30 and I think we mostly watch t.v. I need to better utilize my nights but in my defense I'm super tired and I NEVER have been a late owl.  I love my sleep so much and I am tucked in my little bed no later than 10:30.  Well that's the goal anyway because me without a full 8-9 hours of sleep.  let's just say I am not my best self.  In fact who is? I don't understand people that do not LOVE sleep.  

I LOVE sleep.  

So there you have it....My day in a nutshell.  Sure there are a bunch of variables in there like errands, talking on the phone, (my sisters, kids, dad, or Tam)the occasional day date with Tom and posting on ebay but that is the just of it.  I don't shop for anything and Tom loves to grocery shop and so I reluctantly let him.  Just kidding I loathe grocery shopping with a a passion.  Once again that happened with time...I didn't used to hate it.  I think I grew into that one as well.  But for reals Tom loves it so I lucked out. 

I have time on my hands that I can better use....I know this.  I think about getting a job or what I can be doing to really maximize my time.  I hear about people getting second careers after 50 and I am interested...but what? What are my passions? I love photography, making videos, writing, animals, decorating, organizing and throwing things away.  Can I make throwing things away a career? I would be killing it at that job and for sure the president. Just  thinking all the time...But for now I am going to try and blog and write again and not worry about all the other stuff. Maybe that will help me figure it out.

OK? ok.