Last year when Tiffy and I were in Aruba we decided that in March 2020 we were going to go to Thailand. Long story, but she was already going to be there for a TEFL class and I would join her for 2 weeks.
OMG where do I even begin?
I'll start with Tom looking over at me sometime in January and saying, "Where is your layover in China again?" And I calmly replied, "Wuhan, China." Tom flashes me the news article he is reading on his phone and the headline reads, "New Corona Virus called Covid 19 in Wuhan, China shuts down city." Or something along those lines.
Now did I think this might interfere with my travel plans to Thailand? Maybe a tiny bit...just a niggling feeling. Did I think it would shut down my entire life? Never!! But that is exactly what it did.
Since March 13, 2020 I have barely left the house. March 16, 2020 California completely shut down and called for "shelter in place" orders and things got real.
Covid 19 shut down my life and every other person living in a developed country on the planet. Millions and millions of people are on lock down in their homes. England, France, Australia and United States.
and hundreds of others. All countries.. no school, no work, no leaving your home unless it is to buy essential items. Terms I have never heard before are now the norm. Terms like "social distancing" which means you have to be at least 6 ft from another human. "Shelter in Place" means you can't leave home. Lock down and quarantine are routinely said and Covid 19 discussed roughly 3 million times a day by everyone living in your household. It has shut down our lives and the global economy.
We are in the middle of a global pandemic.
My home currently has everyone in it.
My dad was here until a week ago. He got stuck here at the beginning and everyone was so scared to have him leave but after 5 weeks he said enough is enough and Benjamin drove him home. Super sad to have him go but he insisted it was the best thing for him. Then Benjamin flew home the next day which was such a risk but felt it was our best option. Benjamin had moved home from LA when things started to hit the fan. His work had shut down and the basics of life were getting tricky. Then Nicholas and Natali moved back home on Sunday for the same reasons. They pulled in at 9:30 PM with a huge moving truck and all their stuff. School is online for all 3 of them so it just makes sense for everyone to ride out the pandemic here. So many questions and worries without any answers. Nothing is certain except stay home and save lives. That's it...that is exactly all we know right now. Everything else is uncertain...everything.
I am trying to control what I can and that is my families emotional and physical health.
Because the list I can't control is the size of Texas. The list of disappointments for my kids are cancellation after cancellation... one after another.
Ella's high school senior ball, graduation, graduation parties, the last 3 months of her senior year at San Ramon Valley. It is devastating for her right now.
Nicholas and Natali are missing Nicholas's graduation from BYU. Trip to Spain and Natali's internship to Spain for BYU nursing school. Nicholas's summer in New York City and those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if I asked them there would be so many more.
Benjamin leaving his Hollywood job in LA that he was loving!!! Thank goodness he already started school online at the beginning of winter but not being able to work has been awful for him.
And then there is Charlie and Clara. They are handling it the best so far. Thank goodness for the seventh grade. He seems to be fine and not too mad about doing school online. An adjustment for sure but he loves being home and is happy as a clam at the moment, however, we are just over 3 weeks in. Clara is in heaven and can't figure out why nobody ever leaves. haha
It has been 4 weeks since I have written everything above. 7 weeks in my house while some unknown virus terrorizes the world. I woke up this morning at 6:30 scared and confused. That happens a lot and my emotions swing back and forth like a pendulum.
I am tired.
It is exhausting not knowing what the future holds or even what that future looks like. Everyone is tired. When I do leave my house to go buy my plants for my garden everyone is in a mask (required by the law) and it hides peoples smiles. It makes everyone look mad and tired. Emotions are running high outside of my safe bubble..John and Ann and some of their kids caught the virus. They are fine now but it was all so scary.
However, it is not all bad and I have learned so much in this strange cocoon. As I sit here outside in the silence I can feel such calm. Maybe it's the eye of the hurricane but I'm calm nonetheless. I am usually a little antsy...where to go? What to do? Where are we going to explore? These questions are completely obsolete right now. You absolutely can't go anywhere or do anything outside the home except take a walk or go on a bike ride. End of story so I relax into my day trying to learn to just be. I am focused on being present and enjoying the now instead of thinking...what's next?
Having my family together right now is priceless. I am so beyond grateful. We play games, go on hikes, bake endless treats and we watch movies. We eat dinner every night together and we talk around the table. No rush...no place to go...and nothing...just be. Seriously when is that EVER going to happen again? I am trying really hard to cherish this time and I really think I am getting straight A's. Last night we went on a bike ride...all of us together on a Friday night. It was a magical evening. We rode along with the sun glowing through the green leaves on the trail. Everyone was laughing and talking even though there is an eerie calm. The streets of Danville were empty...we could ride wherever we wanted to. No worry that a car would dart of nowhere and so our small parade had the freedom to ride in the middle of the street if we wanted to.
I take a moment everyday to sit still...to be grateful.
I sit with my hot drink and count blessings and remember that so much of this is beyond my control. I can however control the atmosphere of my little bubble. I have so much gratitude for my home and how it is keeping us safe from this passing storm. I remind myself that this too shall pass but the lessons I am learning hopefully will not. I love my family and I love this time together. I try to quiet my worries. Worries for our unknown future and the losses that so many people are facing.
Right now, looking out onto my beautiful flowers, I am focusing on loving and serving my family.
In the end what else can I do?
It has been 4 weeks since I have written everything above. 7 weeks in my house while some unknown virus terrorizes the world. I woke up this morning at 6:30 scared and confused. That happens a lot and my emotions swing back and forth like a pendulum.
I am tired.
It is exhausting not knowing what the future holds or even what that future looks like. Everyone is tired. When I do leave my house to go buy my plants for my garden everyone is in a mask (required by the law) and it hides peoples smiles. It makes everyone look mad and tired. Emotions are running high outside of my safe bubble..John and Ann and some of their kids caught the virus. They are fine now but it was all so scary.
However, it is not all bad and I have learned so much in this strange cocoon. As I sit here outside in the silence I can feel such calm. Maybe it's the eye of the hurricane but I'm calm nonetheless. I am usually a little antsy...where to go? What to do? Where are we going to explore? These questions are completely obsolete right now. You absolutely can't go anywhere or do anything outside the home except take a walk or go on a bike ride. End of story so I relax into my day trying to learn to just be. I am focused on being present and enjoying the now instead of thinking...what's next?
Having my family together right now is priceless. I am so beyond grateful. We play games, go on hikes, bake endless treats and we watch movies. We eat dinner every night together and we talk around the table. No rush...no place to go...and nothing...just be. Seriously when is that EVER going to happen again? I am trying really hard to cherish this time and I really think I am getting straight A's. Last night we went on a bike ride...all of us together on a Friday night. It was a magical evening. We rode along with the sun glowing through the green leaves on the trail. Everyone was laughing and talking even though there is an eerie calm. The streets of Danville were empty...we could ride wherever we wanted to. No worry that a car would dart of nowhere and so our small parade had the freedom to ride in the middle of the street if we wanted to.
I take a moment everyday to sit still...to be grateful.
I sit with my hot drink and count blessings and remember that so much of this is beyond my control. I can however control the atmosphere of my little bubble. I have so much gratitude for my home and how it is keeping us safe from this passing storm. I remind myself that this too shall pass but the lessons I am learning hopefully will not. I love my family and I love this time together. I try to quiet my worries. Worries for our unknown future and the losses that so many people are facing.
Right now, looking out onto my beautiful flowers, I am focusing on loving and serving my family.
In the end what else can I do?
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