Thursday, April 21, 2016

Junior High is Tough...

I lived in Canada during my Junior high years, or middle school as it is called in Brampton Ontario.
I would say on a scale of 1 to 10 that those years were a solid 7.  
So considering how hard middle school is for some kids I would say I almost got off scotch free.  I had two best girlfriends that were a huge support and that I loved dearly. 

But the biggest thing I had to contend with were the kids calling me a "yankee"  Yankee this and yankee that, and secretly I hated it but I was no dummy and knew it was social suicide to act like I cared at all. So in my "too cool for school" attitude I acted like it was no big deal and I would be as nice as a could to all the kids.
I knew this was key...just be nice was drilled into me from my mom from my first breath.  And I was super nice... so naturally most of the kids liked me. ;)
But again kids can be mean at this age and I would hear of someone hating me.  I can't remember how I would be privy to this information but I was.
This is how I dealt with this which just makes me laugh.  I didn't care how many kids hated me if there were more kids that liked me.  I know pretty amazing logic right?
So I would count how many kids I knew that hated me and then count how many kids not just liked me but really liked me, who were of course my closest friends.

It always equaled out that more kids liked me so in my little 11 year old brain all was right with the world.... because the good out weighed the bad.

I honestly have no idea what made me think of this but the other day my entire life was turned upside down and this popped in my head. I remember being that little girl and counting on my fingers trying to make sense of my small world.

First it made me laugh because it is soooo silly and let's be honest just a tad crazy... and second it made me realize that I am still using that same technique on an adult level. 
I think we all do.
Or we need to be.

I am in serious quicksand here and I am not at all sure what tomorrow holds.  Change is very difficult for me and and I have lost my footing. But still there are more things that are right in my life than wrong.  So much more good than bad and so much more positive than negative.
Some days it doesn't feel like that and I am having to count on my fingers and remind myself.
I can do this...
There is so much more good than bad.
It will all be ok...

My 2 favorite places in the world....Carmel

And Pear Cottage....

1 comment:

Katherine said...

I hope you're okay.

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