Thursday, December 11, 2014

Pure Joy

  1. 1.
    a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
    "tears of joy"
    synonyms:delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilationtriumphexultation,rejoicinghappiness,gladness,glee,exhilaration,  exuberance,elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture

    I have found that in life few things meet or exceed expectations.  
    When I was younger I found myself getting disappointed if things were not as I imagined them to be in my mind.
    Maybe it was my kiddos birthdays, Christmas or really any holiday, or something like baking a silly batch of cookies with my daughter.  I just naturally get soooo excited about things that I would imagine and dream about them and how they would go down. On more than several occasions I would find myself discouraged when the occasion suddenly was tampered with kids fighting or some other kink that was just something other than the perfection I had built up in my brain. 

    There are big advantages to getting older and they are certainly not the wrinkles that are appearing on my face. 
    It is the truths we learn along the way. 

    There are very few perfect moments if your definition is truly based on perfection.  

    You just enjoy the "now" for the truth and beauty that it is...fighting kids and all.  If you wait for the perfect birthdays or the perfect Christmas or perfect anything you will be sorely disappointed in the amazing life laid out before you.
    My dad has said on several occasions look at your life like a play on stage.  It helps to illuminate how you think  moments should be.
    Of course I still have to remind myself of this because all of us struggle with the expectations that we put on ourselves and our lives....but it is soooo much easier and I find I hardly have any expectations and whatever goes down goes down and in that imperfect moment...  it is indeed perfection.

Wow I really didn't mean to get quite so deep but I had to explain how far I have come on my expectations and how far back I slid on this occasion... I really went there.  
I imagined my reunion with my son (who I have not seen is 2 freaking years) hundreds and hundreds of times in my mind.  I knew I was building it up too much but I couldn't talk myself off of the cliff.

I pictured the airport with my family. 
I pictured seeing him for the first time. 
I pictured our first hug.
I pictured the rest of my kids faces as they saw their big brother for the first time.  
I pictured driving home from the airport as a whole family again.
I could hear our conversations.
I really went there...

And this reunion not only met my expectations... it exceeded them by a million times.

It. Was. Pure. Joy
Pure joy I tell you!!!!!

I have never felt like this in my entire life except for when my babies were born but even that was different. For you see when my babies were born, and I held them in my arms for the first time, and sobbed as I cradled their perfect little bodies, they didn't do anything except come to me.  Now please don't misinterpret that because that is in of itself is the biggest miracles I will ever having the pleasure of being apart of. But what I mean is my babies are perfect.  They didn't do anything to become perfect they just are.  No choices have been made to become perfect.

So this is where the difference is and why this entire situation can only be described as pure joy.
Nicholas went away for two years to teach people in Guatemala about Christ because he believed in something so much bigger than himself. So much bigger than all of us.  A love so strong for his savior that he wanted everyone in the world to know what he does.  I remember when I was bawling driving him to the MTC, he held my hand and said, "Just remember mom that the people in Guatemala need me more than you do."  
He radiated love, kindness and honestly he was choosing this giant step in becoming the kind of man he wanted to become.

So when I left for the airport 6 hours before his plane landed and I waited to catch a glimpse of him... I couldn't wait to meet him again and get to know this man child of mine.  To have the tables turned on mother/son and actually learn from him. 
I honestly thought I would die from anxiety and anticipation.

And when it all came to pass and I held him in my arms and my kids hugged him it was the most perfect kind of moment.  A moment where my 21 year old son had come back to me as one of the most amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure to meet.
Those hugs and words exchanged I will treasure until my last breath.

My Nicholas came back.
My family was whole again...
Pure Joy

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